A shovel is a multipurpose tool

Author's Note: This story came from this competition over at the r/writingprompts subreddit in late October 2020. If you're curious, I didn't win. I didn't even get an honorable mention. See my shame. Bask in it. Savor its succulent aroma.

"The shriveled shovel, disheveled, shoved old shuttles of shoveled shi-"

"Would you just shut up?"

"We could always use some poetry in this time of need."

"Time of need? Are you serious? We shouldn't even be making sound right now."

"The sound wound around and down to the town to drown the crown-"

"Stop. Stop. I thought I heard something."

"Was it... A sound that wound around-"

"No! Great. Here she comes. Act natural."

"Hark! A visitor! How do you do, fair maiden?"

"What are you two doing?"

"Officer, please forgive my friend. He's an idiot and grieving. A nasty combo."

"Sure... But why are you both holding shovels in a graveyard? And covered in mud. With a grave dug up right there."

"You know those people who hold umbrellas all day even though they don't need to? That's us, but with shovels."

"..."

"Umbrella Bella went to Stella's villa and talk to the killa about the vanilla-"

"You're both under arrest. Come with m- HHHUMP"

"Jesus bloody Christ! Did you kill her?!"

"Kill her? I barely knew her. I could have drew her, but this ought to do 'er."

"This is serious man! I can see the bone!"

"Fun fact, my dear friend. Did you know that expensive coffins are large enough to fit two people?"

"You can't be serious."

"In the immortal words of a balanced breakfast themed hero: I'm super cereal."

"I hate you so much. Whatever. Let's get this done."