Raveyard

(Writing prompt from /u/cjtem224 on reddit on the /r/writingprompts subreddit)

This ladder will probably kill me. I will die and my tombstone will be the heavy metallic G I am stealing. I've wanted to seal the thing since I was a kid, and now that I'm a criminal functional adult I can live out that fantasy.

I find the latch holding the G in place, and it falls to the ground before I could try to catch it and probably rip my arms off. All the G's of gravity pull the G to the ground, on which it makes a... G note thud? I'm trying to make the G puns work, okay? They aren't all going to be winners.

I stand back (gripped the ladder for dear life) to admire my handy work: East Lake raveyard.

It's perfect. The eponymous East Lake framing the rusty sign in the background while I calculate how long the ladder will last before collapsing under the weight of a feather. Don't buy cheep when you're talking ladders.

The full moon really is pretty, hanging over the lake like that.

A low sound startles me. It also startles the ladder, who only stays standing by an act of Fate itself. It is quick, sounding almost like the G dropping, but deeper.

Me and the ladder battle for dominance. The sound happens again right after I get steady. It sounds like a car some kid fitted with an expensive sound system playing a single bass note right outside the Taco Bell drive through.

The sound plays for a second time, loud enough to shake the ladder in its boots. Is it an earthquake? In this part of the country? At this time of day? Localized entirely within this graveyard? (I remind myself to lay off the memes).

I put my foot on the next rung to escape the ladder's prophesy of a broken leg, but the sound plays again, building a rhythm. A bass rhythm. The ladder expresses its confusion by shaking like a leaf.

Air horns blare in the distance, in the direction of the lake. Some part of me thinks that will wake up the neighborhood, the other part being busy with a certain ladder. Was someone playing music? That loudly? Was I being watched?

The next big mistake is looking down. Nobody ever really prepares you for zombies, you see. We've all seen the movies, imagined ourselves in that situation, fantasized about being a bad ass and shooting zombies. But let me tell you, when the real deal comes you will panic. Or maybe the panic is the ladder. Either way, zombies; they are here and ready to...

Party. They're ready to party. Don't believe me? What else am I supposed to conclude after one of them looks me directly in the eye and does the dog gamn thriller dance? Another one sees this and starts pumping its single arm up and down, yelling as loud as you can with your lungs rotted.

The music -- it is music, that much is obvious -- rises in intensity as the dead rise out of their graves. The ladder dances to it along with the zombies, getting ready for the inevitable bass drop. I have a change of heart about getting off the ladder; something about being eaten doesn't appeal to me at the moment.

I've listened to enough of this kind of music. The bass drop is coming. And when that happens, the ladder will probably shatter into a thousand paper cranes or something equally insane. I wouldn't be surprised after seeing zombies hang a disco ball off a tree.

My only hope is to stop the music before it drops. The bass dropping will drop me, and then I will become one with the living dead, cursed to dance like it was 1518.

I look back at the sign: East Lake raveyard. My only hope is to remove a letter and stop the music. Removing a letter has to stop it. There has to be some logic to this.

The d. The d at the end is hanging by a thread. It'll be the easiest to remove.

The buildup begins, the music getting slow and full of tension, building up to a satisfying drop. The ladder stops shaking for a moment, and I lean over as far as I dare to knock the d off...

I faintly register that the song is pirate themed as I fall to the ground. Like in slow motion I fall with the d and the bass. I see, in the distance, a floating pirate ship plunge out of the lake Harry Bloody Potter style. Instead of hitting the ground, I'm caught. Caught by the zombies.

I ride the crowd of zombies as the pirate themed rave music blasts the world around me. The floating pirate ship approaches and zombies begin to parachute out of it. Zombie pirates? Sure, whatever. The important thing, the thing that makes me finally give up:

East Lake raveyar

Raveyar. Rave yarr. Pirates say "yarr". I have summoned the undead pirate rave.