r/genrebomb

"Enjoy!" said the waiter.

"Thanks you too," said Generic Person 1.

"Smooth," said Generic Person 2.

"Like you've never done that," said Generic Person 3.

Gener- Actually, from now on its going to be GP#; I can't be arsed to write "Generic Person" each time the focus changes.

GP1 pulled out his phone. Since GP1 is sort of the unofficial leader of the friend group, this sends a signal that its time for GP2 and GP3 to drop the pretense and pull out their phones as well.

Approximately two and a half minutes passed before GP2 announced, "Hey guys, check out r/genrebomb, this shit's crazy."

"I don't use reddit," said GP3, who didn't want to admit he used reddit. "What's it say?"

"What the fuck?" said GP2, "What's 'Slavic Reggae Step'?"

"Huh?" said GP3. He went to the sub and laughed, "'Future Hard Mothra'?"

"Okay," said GP1, "Just read the description. These people think putting genres to music is stupid, so they make up the most ridiculous genres they can."

"I don't know about you, but I need some Classic Techno Strep Throat in my life," said GP3.

"You can," said GP1, "There's a rule saying that there has to be an album of that genre, to make it official. It can be as bad as possible, it can be only 3 songs, but it has to actually exist. That way nobody can claim the genre isn't a thing."

"No fucking way," said GP2, "Guys. Here's some LoFi Reversed Dubstep," he played a really awful reversed dubstep thing through the speakers of his phone. It wasn't loud enough to garner any attention from the restaurant. "There's ten songs of this shit. They just reversed other music, though."

GP1 was sorting from the top post on the sub, "Iterative Monster Mash."

Both GP2 and GP3 laughed. GP2 said, "I gotta hear that."

Iterative Monster Mash amounted to someone remixing the song Monster Mash in every conceivable form possible. Some of it sounded pretty good, all things considered.

"Uncensored Dolphin Rap," said GP3.

"Why would you need to censor dolphins in the first place?" said GP2.

They quickly learned that there was a reason that regular dolphin rap was censored. They had to apologize to the people one table over.

"Okay," said GP1, "Let's try not to make too much nois-"

An absurdly loud air raid siren boomed from GP2's phone, until it was hastily cut off a couple seconds later.

The whole restaurant was looking.

"That was..."

"What was it?"

"Traditional Swedish Thermonuclear Meltdown Sirens."

The stunned disbelief was punctured by the waiter. Their food was delivered, and the people around them stopped staring.

They quickly made a game around who could find the most absurd musical genre. There were classics like Literally Just 8-bit Friday by Rebecca Black, and Melodic Ambient White Noise, and Tinnitus. They nearly got kicked out after listening to a sample of Porn Scripts Read Aloud Over Reversed Folk Music on max volume.

"Here's one," said GP3, "Baloni Slap Bass."

"Isn't it spelled 'Bologna'?" said GP2.

"Huh?" said GP3.

"Never mind," said GP2.

"Everyone shut up," said GP1. "I found the best one."

After a second of dramatic tension, GP2 said, "Well what is it?"

"You guys ready for this?"

"Tell us already."

GP1 took a deep breath and said, "Avant-Garde East Asian Cheeseburger ASMR."

"Finally all my fetishes in one place," said GP3.

"What."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Well, I don't know about this guy," GP1 pointed to GP3, "But if you ever catch me vibing to Increasingly Loud Honkey-Tonk Elevator Music just give me a 9mm pill to the forehead."

"Jeez man," said GP2, "You've been making a lot of suicide jokes recently. You okay?"

"Actually, I have been feeling a bit down recently. Thanks for-"

"Because it sounds like you could use a good dose of Death Metal Baby Barf."

"I'm really struggling here. Please don't joke about this."

"Or maybe you need to relax with Reactionary Bluegrass Goose Strangulation."

GP3 Choked on his water.

Thoroughly shut down and trying to ignore the sudden feeling of social isolation, GP1 spotted it. The actual best one, and not just because the author thought of another funny genre.

"Oh my god."

"What is it?"

He was too stunned to laugh. It was too amazing to even joke about.

"Tell us!"

"I can't. Its too good."

"Better than the Asian Cheeseburger one?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

GP1 looked up, eyes glazed over. "Post-Brazilian Power-Christian K-Pop."

(Author's note: If anyone out there wants to make a real r/genrebomb, you have my unconditional support)